All We Are We Are
by MissZatanna
Summary: "She doesn't know how she ended up here. One minute she's cleaning out her apartment, packing every broken memory and reminder of simpler times into boxes because it just hurts too much to look at them and she just doesn't know what else to do with herself right now, and the next she's seeing red and Zeta-ing to the one place she knows she shouldn't be."


**A/N: Back with a Chalant fic! The ending is meh because I lost some steam, but enjoy! **

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She doesn't know how she ended up here. One minute she's cleaning out her apartment, packing every broken memory and reminder of simpler times into boxes because it just hurts too much to look at them and she just doesn't know what else to do with herself right now, and the next she's seeing red and Zeta-ing to the one place she knows she shouldn't be.

And she's angry. She's _so _angry. The remarkable thing is that it didn't even hit her just how angry she is until now - days after Artemis showed up alive.

She's steaming just thinking about it, and before she knows what's happening her knuckles are rapping on the apartment door. She wouldn't be surprised to find the apartment empty and her knocks left unanswered. She knows how busy he's been making himself lately. But she _is_ taken aback at how he doesn't look even the slightest surprised to see her when the door finally opens and she's met with those baby blue eyes she's seen much too frequently in the last few weeks.

"Zatanna," he greets, stepping aside and pulling the door open to let her into the apartment. His voice is stoic but not unkind and the use of her full name does not go unnoticed.

"Dick," she deadpans back, moving out of the rain and into the too cool entryway. Goosebumps raise on her arms but she pays them no attention. Without giving him a minute to breathe, she turns back to him and asks a little too heatedly, "Why didn't you tell me?"

He hasn't even had the chance to close the door behind her before she's questioning him. He must have known this was coming though, as he doesn't even flinch at her tone. Too calmly, he closes the door and turns to face her. She must look crazy right now in a pair of sweatpants with her hair in a messy bun and her tank top all disheveled because her realization mixed with her temper afforded her no time to make herself presentable. It also doesn't help that she ran here in the rain from the nearest Zeta tube which is a little over a mile from Dick's apartment. Her arms are crossed over her chest and she's waiting for an answer that she's not sure she wants to hear, her expression steely.

"The mission was on a need-to-know basis," he says simply. He doesn't look her in the eyes when he speaks which heats her up even more.

Zatanna scoffs a bit before shaking her head at no one in particular. Maybe it's at herself for expecting more. "And you thought I didn't need to know that my _best friend _wasn't actually six feet in the ground?"

Artemis's information about the mission remained vague when she and Zatanna last spoke, and the magician still had so many questions. Once she found out Nightwing had been one of the people in on it (Artemis had knowingly left out that he was the ringmaster of the whole ordeal) she knew he was the one she needed to hear the answers from.

He doesn't say anything in return, just stares at the floorboards. She can't tell if his resolve is one of defeat or defiance, but she's too riled up to stop now. "Do you realize how much danger she was in?" She knows he does. "She could have been found out at any moment, I don't even know how-"

"No, she couldn't have," he interrupts her. "Your glamour charm made sure of that."

For the first time all night she's speechless. When he came to her with the request for a glamour charm all those weeks ago, she'd thought to ask but knew she probably wouldn't get anything out of him. Besides, they had a history - one that ended with her trusting him with her life. If she needed to know anything, Dick would tell her. She didn't need to know about Artemis though; he'd decided that for her.

What really gets her about this whole thing isn't that he didn't tell her explicitly about the plan and her part in it, though. It's the fact that he didn't trust her enough to. He knew how much pain she was in and he still had the nerve to exploit her ignorance the way he did.

Her mind flashes back to the last night she'd shown up at his doorstep, grief becoming her like a glove that fit too well. They spent that night together, laughing over memories and worshiping each other like the world was about to end. She needed to feel alive, even just for a second. She needed reprieve from the bitter hatred she was starting to feel towards Kaldur and the crippling heartache she reserved for Wally. She needed to forget about the gaping hole in her heart where Artemis resided. And she did that night just like the ones that followed with Dick's arms around her, skin against skin and hearts beating as one. He helped her forget, helped her feel alive. He helped her start to heal the wound that he'd secretly created. And while he filled the gap her best friend had left in her life, he branded himself on her heart all over again. In those moments of relief, she realized it had never stopped beating for him.

But now, knowing that Artemis's death wasn't real, she wonders if the spark rekindled between them wasn't either. She wonders if he indulged her out of guilt, or worse, pity. After those nights together, she trusted that he felt the same way she did. Standing before him, she wonders if she'll ever be able to trust him again.

Tears prick at the corners of her eyes and she can feel the inside of her nose burn just slightly the way it does when she's about to cry. And she doesn't know if the waterworks are starting out of the hurt of feeling so _used_ or the fact that she let herself foolishly believe he still loved her too. (She has an inkling it's the latter.)

She takes a deep breath, regrets how shaky and vulnerable she sounds, and steps towards him. It's almost as if her arm acts of its own accord as she watches it raise and swing towards him in slow motion, her hand connecting with his cheek and the sudden clap of her skin against his echoing throughout the barren space. He doesn't flinch, though, just takes it as if he knew it was coming.

Betraying the sting behind her eyes and the urge to scream, she shoves him towards the door until his back is pressed against it. She wants him to explain himself, to tell her his involvement was just a joke - that those nights they spent together when he comforted her as she cried herself to sleep were _real. _But she doesn't ask him to. She doesn't say a word as she beats against his chest, willing him to stop her or do _something _more than the nothing she's receiving as he gives in.

She doesn't know when the tears started to roll down her cheeks but she can feel them slide down her jaw and drip off her chin onto her hands. She knows that she should stop - that his plan worked and it basically saved the world from the Light for now - but adrenaline is pumping through her veins and even if she wanted to she can't.

Then as suddenly as she began, her wrists are in each of his hands, holding her still and he finally looks at her. His eyes stare into hers and she can feel his thumb rubbing against the inside of her wrist the way it did when they were more than just friends. There in his gaze, his eyes give nothing away.

Without thinking about it, she pulls back and kisses him. But when he freezes against her lips, she knows she read him wrong and pulls away embarrassed. She takes a step back from him and wraps her arms around herself, feeling as though she'll fall apart if there's nothing to hold her in one piece. Only now does she realize that it's actually _freezing_ in this place and she's not soaked from the rain but definitely damp enough to feel it, and she starts to shiver just a little. This is it. This is where she faces the music and tries to not to lose herself in it as she does.

"Just tell me," she whispers. She gets up the courage to look him in the eyes and her heart falls as they reveal nothing to her. Biting her lip to steady to her voice before she speaks, she blinks a few tears away before asking, "Was it _all_ a lie?"

His silence is all she needs. Feeling her bottom lip start to quiver, she wipes under her eyes in resigned acceptance. She's been through this with him before, and she knows she can do it again. But she also realizes a mutual breakup is much less painful than a rejection. As she moves to turn the doorknob and let herself out, she's knocked off balance as Dick's hands grasp her hips and position her so her back's now against the door and her chest is pressed to his. Her gasp of confusion and surprise is cut off as Dick's lips slide over hers, one hand remaining on her hip and the other coming up to cradle her cheek.

"It wasn't," he breathes against her lips before pulling back and looking her in the eyes. She feels like the wind has been knocked out of her and when she looks at him she can finally see everything he sought to hide from her in those baby blues. She nods before catching his lips in hers and threading her fingers through his hair.

She shivers again but this time from his hands roaming her body and his fingers grazing against her abs as he pulls the hem of her wet tank top up and over her head, leaving her in her sweatpants and lacy black bra. Zatanna moves to kiss him again but gets stopped short by his lips on the underside of her jaw. He trails kisses down her neck and licks the hollow of her throat, relishing in the small moans that come from her, before sliding his lips over hers again.

They're all hands with heavy breathing and unspoken apologies between them. They throw caution and worries and past mistakes to the wind, articles of clothing following close behind.

Later when she's resting her head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat, she thinks about the times before life got in the way. She thinks about how her teen years feel like forever ago and how much easier life was when her friends weren't pretending to die on missions. She thinks about how natural and effortless it was to fall for Dick Grayson, and how it still is. The syncing of their beating hearts doesn't go unnoticed and she smiles against his skin.

Leaning up on her elbow, she watches as he sleeps peacefully, his lips parted and his hair a bit disheveled (her doing). He looks like a child, the years of stress and living a double life forgotten in his features. Throughout the night he had answered all of her questions. And as much as she wants to stay mad at him (she's learned that anger is a good distraction from pain), she can't. She understands the life too much. It has its risks and its dangers, but that's the price to pay when the world depends on them - when they also depend on each other.

She thinks about trust and how theirs had been broken.

When Dick wakes up to an empty bed, he can't say he's not disappointed, but he understands. (He wishes he didn't.) He glances at the clock before pulling on his boxers and a pair of sweats and heading out into the kitchen. What he doesn't expect to see, however, is Zatanna completely bare except for a larger t-shirt of his coming down to cover just enough of her backside standing at the stove with her back to him, flipping pancakes.

Zatanna jumps when she feels him wrap an arm around her stomach and bury his nose in her hair. One thing he had never outgrown was his silent ninja skills. She hums at his presence before setting the hot pan on an unused burner and twisting around so that their foreheads are resting against each others'. Their noses rub together a little and Zee smiles.

Dick finally breaks the silence when he says, "I know it's going to take a while for you to trust me again, but..."

"Then I guess we better start now." She leans up on her toes and kisses him, and thinks better late than never.


End file.
